One of the land mines on the road to abandoned faith for me was the feigned morality and holiness of Christians. There is especially one person I am thinking of in regards to lack of genuine morality and care. Why does this person matter so much? He has been respected and a leader in our local Catholic community for being a fine upstanding Catholic. He takes it upon himself to counsel and guide and basically dictate the behavior of gullible souls. I also notice that he preys upon the young and the old. I have developed a sinister attitude towards him because I have known him very well. For whatever reason he has been real enough with me to expose the inner workings of his disturbed mind. It's not pretty.
Catholicism is very critical. As a Catholic, I saw the spectrum of acceptable and good people closing all the time. More and more I had judgments and resentments against most of society. The saddest part about this superior attitude in the world is the fact that it fails to notice the hypocrite making the accusations. If this dilemma was limited to myself or a select few Christians I could accept it as the fault of the persons. But, it permeates the Church.
I am not suggesting there is no need for morality or for efforts to be better people. What I am tired of are the self proclaimed leaders of the Church feigning holiness, pronouncing judgment, and accepting accolades. The priesthood, we all know, is no better. Over the years, I have known or met many priests. Thankfully, I have met some wonderful priests. The most holy of them have known that they are imperfect and strive to be very humble. My favorites are an alcoholic, a man who almost left the Church to get married, and a former drug user. There is a level of humility in the foundations of these peoples faith that, in my experience, has kept them real.
I started to feel like more and more the priests I met were either arrogant, aloof, testy, self righteous, in-genuine, or let me just say it, gay. I have known many gay people in my life and I have had very good and warm friendships with gay people. I am not saying that I think it is a completely fine lifestyle, but what I am saying is, that I am not judging being gay in general. What I think it disgusting and unacceptable is gay people who wear a Roman collar and profess to abhor the lifestyle. Not only does that make you ineffective in your role as a priest, it makes you a liar and deceiver. What possible motivation do these people have? I am beyond explanation. But I will not pretend that it is not obvious they are gay. I will not allow my sons to be alter boys with priests whose only apparent link to spiritual goodness is the clothes they wear.
I am sorry this is a negative post. But the truth must be faced. The leaders of the Church quite often are not holy.
People will argue that the Church is made up of human and divine. Fine, but the claims of the church are that it can transform the sinfulness of people and bring them to divine light. Perhaps it's method is ineffective.