Monday, February 4, 2013

Feigned Morality

One of the land mines on the road to abandoned faith for me was the feigned morality and holiness of Christians. There is especially one person I am thinking of in regards to lack of genuine morality and care.  Why does this person matter so much? He has been respected and a leader in our local Catholic community for being a fine upstanding Catholic.    He takes it upon himself to counsel and guide and basically dictate the behavior of gullible souls.  I also notice that he preys upon the young and the old.  I have developed a sinister attitude towards him because I have known him very well.   For whatever reason he has been real enough with me to expose the inner workings of his disturbed mind.  It's not pretty.

Catholicism is very critical. As a Catholic, I saw the spectrum of acceptable and good people closing all the time.  More and more I had judgments and resentments against most of society.  The saddest part about this superior attitude in the world is the fact that it fails to notice the hypocrite making the accusations.  If this dilemma was limited to myself or a select few Christians I could accept it as the fault of the persons.  But, it permeates the Church.

I am not suggesting there is no need for morality or for efforts to be better people.  What I am tired of are the self proclaimed leaders of the Church feigning holiness, pronouncing judgment, and accepting accolades.  The priesthood, we all know, is no better.  Over the years, I have known or met many priests.  Thankfully, I have met some wonderful priests.  The most holy of them have known that they are imperfect and strive to be very humble.   My favorites are an alcoholic, a man who almost left the Church to get married, and a former drug user.  There is a level of humility in the foundations of these peoples faith that, in my experience, has kept them real.

I started to feel like more and more the priests I met were either arrogant, aloof, testy, self righteous, in-genuine,  or let me just say it, gay.  I have known many gay people in my life and I have had very good and warm friendships with gay people.  I am not saying that I think it is a completely fine lifestyle, but what I am saying is, that I am not judging being gay in general.  What I think it disgusting and unacceptable is gay people who wear a Roman collar and profess to abhor the lifestyle.  Not only does that make you ineffective in your role as a priest, it makes you a liar and deceiver.  What possible motivation do these people have?  I am beyond explanation.  But I will not pretend that it is not obvious they are gay.  I will not allow my sons to be alter boys with priests whose only apparent link to spiritual goodness is the clothes they wear.

I am sorry this is a negative post. But the truth must be faced.  The leaders of the Church quite often are not holy.

People will argue that the Church is made up of human and divine. Fine, but the claims of the church are that it can transform the sinfulness of people and bring them to divine light.   Perhaps it's method is ineffective.


Kim said...

Its method is not ineffective. People are ineddective because they are sinners becuase they are human.

There is not one perfect person on the planet in any relgion. Everyone has flaws and we can not be perfected until we die and become saints.

as far as almost all priests being gay--I think that is quite a stretch. I have never met any that I felt were gay. Maybe its the priests you have encountered. Still even if they were "gay" being gay in itself is not a sin but acting on immorality is. As well, not all "gay" people are attracted to little boys so thats a strecth too....I think you have the problem of lumping all things bad into one category and calling it "Catholic" because to you that is the reason all things are bad.

There could be gay people in all faiths and in fact there are. There could be child molestors in all faiths and in fact there are.

But--just having there be gay people and child molestors and sinners and no perfect people does not mean there is no God. I am just trying to figure out how your reasoning goes from point A to point Z.

ashleyjeanlavana said...

Hi Kim, thanks for your comment.

I will attribute your misunderstanding of my post to my poor writing skills.

I was not trying to say all priests were gay, but that more and more I met priests who were not living up to their call to be persona christi. Being gay was just one trend I noticed. With respect to current scandals in the Church, I would think the it common sense that we wouldn't want homo-sexually inclined priests to be running the parishes. Not that they all are. I am just saying, I've met to many.

I also know that not all like little boys. I was trying to say I don't want my children alter serving with priests who, to me, obviously do not seem to be trying very hard to actually be good men.

Life is so hard as it is, so much more so, trying to be holy and obedient and all that goes with it and in the end.... putting your child in danger. ugh. I just couldn't do it.

Ok, As far as the CHurch being the reason for all things bad. I did not say that. What I am saying is that if the Church proclaims to be divinely inspired it should be held to higher standards. Just like you expect doctors to behave a certain way, etc. It's just common sense.

Also, there is not A to Z jump. In my posts I try to give different reasons for why I have come to this point. Not one of these things was the only reason I decided to stop believing.

Good day!

Anonymous said...

I get you. I am still a Catholic, have a gang of kids like you, and am CRUSHED by human hypocrisy in the Church. And I look at myself, wonder how many people I have hurt...but I can't not go to Mass. I am not at the point of believing Jesus was a nut job or a charlatan. It may sound Protestant ( I converted at 16 too!) but my personal relationship with Jesus gets me through. I avoid things (not debates based in reason--I love learning and hearing different perspectives), but so many social media networks are just filled with venom and hate. I avoid it all now.
I would be your friend.
Whether you came to church or not! We have so much in common, and I have decided that one of the key things in our faith tradition is the fact that we are on the defensive , we just need friends.
Friends are vital. (And screw the poser that's a minister--poor guy can't last)

AJL said...

Hey, thanks for stopping by. My personal relationship with Jesus kept me hanging on for SO long... When I realized that was why we are all hanging in there and somehow all justifying our own personal points of view on living out faith, that is when I just had to let go.

But, yes. Friendships... so truly real and important!