Friday, March 29, 2013

On Easter and the need for Jesus.

This Easter is especially different for me.  For the last four or five Easters I have had less and less a sense of connection with the spirituality surrounding the season of Lent and Easter and more a realization that they had very little to do with my real life.

The disconnect between my husbands understanding of faith and my own is growing.  I want to teach my children to love and care for others and be humble.  But I also do not want to teach them that it is ok to allow people to suffer for some greater good. This is in essence what Easter does.  Yes, there are times when a hero is needed.  It is noble to risk ones life for another, but too often I see this manifest in peoples life to mean that we need to jump through certain hopes and rituals and penances.

Is the need for Christ's death similar to that of child sacrifice?  Why would God need a death to appease him? Is he not all powerful? Why does this make sense?  It doesn't to me, at least not right now.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Would you teach your child goblins were real?

If you believed that a terrible creature was not real, would it be right to teach them that it was?

I remember being afraid of devils and demons my whole life.  Everyone I knew believed they were real. Within the past year I realized that I had never actually seen or experienced in reality a demon.  So, what am I afraid of?  A shadow?

How is it kind and caring to put this fear into my children?  That is what I am being asked to do by not confronting them with the fact that mommy doesn't believe in God or angels or devils anymore.

It's sad.  We'll see what happens from here.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Atheist to Catholic conversions

I read a book last night that compiled a lot of atheist to Catholic conversion stories.  Some of the stories were very moving.  Many of these people have happier lives after faith than before.  The one story that I can relate to is that of the Raving Atheist.

He was first compassionate to pro-life issues and noticed many people in the atheist community lacking in morality.  He noticed the love of Christians and people that faith brings.  I definitely understand this.  This is surely a result of belief at times, not always.  I really do not want to change most of my morals and my pro-life stance as a nonbeliever.

But still, it seems fairly clear that much of the "reasons" these people chose to believe was based on anecdotal evidence.  In almost every story there was a boyfriend, spouse or close friend who was a believer.  I think there is a bit of coercion toward faith if it is a major thing separating a couple.  For me personally, my husband still obviously believes very strongly.  I know that I am staying more open to faith due to my relationship with him.

What if these people had not had a close relationship influenced by Catholicism, but rather Islam?  If you check out the internet there are tons of conversion stories to Islam.  These people have very similar reasons to believe.

At this point, it still seems very coincidental, as in my own life.


Monday, March 11, 2013

New link on Top

I am adding a new link on the top of the blog that will have some videos I think are especially interesting or helpful for people (or friends of people) who are currently struggling to let go of faith.


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Looking for signs and other nonsense

I went to see a movie recently and noticed how much focus there was on signs and luck and meant to be's.   I was wondering...  do people really buy this? It is just a big joke that I may be mistaking for something a bit serious?

For me as a Christian, it was a very serious thing.  What was God's Will? Was this in His Divine Purpose?  Lately I have been refusing to entertain such ideas, opting rather to use reason and good sense to try to make decisions.

Regardless, lately as we are trying to purchase a house, so many people have said things to me such as "if it's God's will" or "it could be a sign" or even "if it's meant to be."  And I think how amazing it is that people really think this way.  It just goes into my understanding of peoples use of faith and supernatural possibilities to explain the uncontrollable or undesirable things in life.  If it works out..  great!  If it doesn't then God must have had a better plan.

I have always thought this way.  Perhaps I thought this way up until reality smacked me in the face and I had to admit that as far as I could tell, leaving it in God's hands was not working.

Praying with my own children and speaking with children of friends of mine I realize how much what we teach them about faith truly molds their world view.  They worry about demons and angels.  They really love Jesus and Mary.  It is starting to really bother me that faith blows simple problems out of proportion and gives eternal significance to average experiences.

My latest dilemma is that all of my old Catholic friends are finally starting a family support group and my husband wants to go and I could really use getting together with other moms and such...  but how do I go to a faith group when I refuse to have faith right now???

It is just torturing myself?  Is it prolonging the healing process? It seems to me like it is probably just ripping open a scab.  I think I need to have friendships that are not based on faith, but it is easy to jump into these types of groups.