Eeewww... This one is a doozie for me.
So, just spent the last 12 years having sex with one man, getting pregnant 8 times, 6 births and wearing a ring on my finger with this man's last name, but now, if he wants to remarry, he needs an annulment.
What is an annulment?
An annulment in the Catholic Church is basically a decree nullifying the marriage. It actually means, in their eyes, that a marriage never existed. What B.S.! There can be many reasons to grant an annulment: persuasion, deceit, and inability to choose marriage.
But, we were both over 25. We were college educated. I had a BA in Theology for pete's sake. We both wanted children. We both wanted a marriage that would not end. We both were Catholics and strong believers at that. Were we perfect? No. Did we get married too quickly? Maybe. But, does that mean that we were not in fact married? I say absolutely not.
The Catholic teaching on marriage actually says that the individuals marry each other. No one else is actually necessary. No church, priest, or ring required. It is a mutual commitment between the two people.
Why does my ex want an annulment? So he can marry again. I am fine with him wanting to marry again, but I'll be damned if I sit back and say we were never married. This is my problem with the Church and her teachings. If we were incapable of living the tenants of marriage, then how can 80% of people do it? The Church actually teaches that you don't need to be married Catholic for it to be valid. So WTF?
I mean, we are just human. The Church has highfalutin beliefs that are mystifying and amazing, but valid for justifying a marriage, they are not. Tell my stretch marks, or PTSD or six children that I wasn't married. Bull shit.
This Church that fanaticized me and separated me from reality for 20 years continues to want to terrorize me after I have long rejected her. Fuel for the fodder. I did not decide to separate from my husband because I didn't believe we were not married. I left because the marriage was going to kill me mentally and emotionally. That does not mean I was not married.
Annulments are dumb. The Church's teachings are better left to fiction and fairy-tale than reality. Religions provide no real answers, just mazes to navigate. Therapy and truth are what can heal.