Friday, January 20, 2017

Annulments

Eeewww...  This one is a doozie for me.

So, just spent the last 12 years having sex with one man, getting pregnant 8 times, 6 births and wearing a ring on my finger with this man's last name, but now, if he wants to remarry, he needs an annulment.

What is an annulment?

An annulment in the Catholic Church is basically a decree nullifying the marriage. It actually means, in their eyes, that a marriage never existed.  What B.S.!  There can be many reasons to grant an annulment: persuasion, deceit, and inability to choose marriage.

But, we were both over 25. We were college educated. I had a BA in Theology for pete's sake.  We both wanted children. We both wanted a marriage that would not end. We both were Catholics and strong believers at that. Were we perfect? No.  Did we get married too quickly? Maybe.  But, does that mean that we were not in fact married? I say absolutely not.

The Catholic teaching on marriage actually says that the individuals marry each other. No one else is actually necessary.  No church, priest, or ring required. It is a mutual commitment between the two people.

Why does my ex want an annulment? So he can marry again.  I am fine with him wanting to marry again, but I'll be damned if I sit back and say we were never married.  This is my problem with the Church and her teachings.  If we were incapable of living the tenants of marriage, then how can 80% of people do it? The Church actually teaches that you don't need to be married Catholic for it to be valid.  So WTF?

I mean, we are just human.  The Church has highfalutin beliefs that are mystifying and amazing, but valid for justifying a marriage, they are not. Tell my stretch marks, or PTSD or six children that I wasn't married.  Bull shit.

This Church that fanaticized me and separated me from reality for 20 years continues to want to terrorize me after I have long rejected her.  Fuel for the fodder.   I did not decide to separate from my husband because I didn't believe we were not married. I left because the marriage was going to kill me mentally and emotionally.  That does not mean I was not married.

Annulments are dumb. The Church's teachings are better left to fiction and fairy-tale than reality.  Religions provide no real answers, just mazes to navigate.  Therapy and truth are what can heal.


1 comment:

fRED said...

How ironic. I was pondering the annulment process and thought of you and found your post.
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I agree that RC marriage annulments are absurd. I've been divorced 15 years and only since our son turned 18 have I given it any sort of thought. I don't expect to be part of the RC church going forward but an annulment might loom if I meet a RC woman.... But I stopped there bc I don't see going back.
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It is my opinion that Pope Francis is merely the confirmation that the RC no longer exists. He is breaking down the barriers between RCism and various protestant and liberal dominations by selling out. Annulments are one example. He has eased the process and in fact, the recent discussions (ala the Malta bishops) are that a formal annulment is not even necessary as long as the couple is at peace with God and works it out with their local bishop.
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What is important to keep in mind about RC marriage annulments is that it refers to the Sacrament of Marriage not the legal marriage. Not long ago, Pope Francis remarked that most RC marriages were probably not sacramental even for those who were married in the church (bc no one was brave enough to turn couple away).
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Your brief overview of your situation is spot on target. You both had reasonable qualification (otherwise the Church should have not let you do it). If such qualifications are not adequate, than what are? One never really knows the temperature of the water until you dive in. Most of the time, things eventually warm up. But apparently, the lifeguards have not been paying attention.
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I would much rather see the RC Church attempt to reconcile marriages than go through totally destroying them via annulments.
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Perhaps you could sue the church for Fraud if they grant an annulment for your marriage. If they weren't paying enough attention, maybe they are liable for damages (eg, child support) and pain & suffering.
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I would think that the RC Church would realize that in the long run, annulling marriages is bad business bc congregants will lose confidence in the integrity of the church (eg, what other sacraments are also void?).